kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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