I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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