Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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