i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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