Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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