Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
