so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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