I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
