She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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