So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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