Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
