I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Less talking, more tequila
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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