Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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