I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I love you. Go after that dick
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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