dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
