I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
