I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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