I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize