Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
