Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
