Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
