So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
