i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
