You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
