he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
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