Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
