Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
