i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
