It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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