Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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