all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
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he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
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So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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