Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
