I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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