Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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