I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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