if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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