p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
