I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
