He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
