i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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