he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
