Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
