At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
