his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
