I will die if light touches me.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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