WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
