i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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