i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Your penis caused this!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
