I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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