Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
