My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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