i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I need a burrito and a hug.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
