I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize