Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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