In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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