I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
