I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
