Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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