Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
