ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
