I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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