9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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