Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
