Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Panties = found
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
