Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
