So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
