In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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