Betty ford says i'm here all night
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
