i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
