mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
