Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
