If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
