I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Randomize
