$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
