Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
