OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
